I had planned on writing more consistently, on posting with more frequency, on making it a priority to get my thoughts into words and send them out into the void of the internet. Writing is cathartic for me. It exercises my creativity. Flannery O’Connor once said, “I write because I don’t know what I think until I read what I say”, and I find this is true for me as well. And so, in these days of being home with just one little girl, a little girl who sleeps for most of the day, I thought I might increase my output and practice my craft.
And this was all well and good. I had grand ambitions. Big dreams. “Every day!” I thought. “I’ll write every day!”
You can see how well that went for me.
It isn’t for lack of trying. There’s a blog post, as yet unpublished, which I have been attempting to write for the past two weeks. I come to my computer, open Blogger, and peck out a few words, only to erase them. I string together sentences, paragraphs even, that sound trite and silly and untrue. Though the topic is an important one, though it’s one I’ve thought long and hard about over the past several months, when I sit down to write the words just won’t come.
I want to write this post. I feel as though I’m ready to write it, as though getting the words out will help to clarify my thoughts, help me understand my own feelings on the matter. And so I keep trying, and failing, to put together something worthy of publishing.
They say that hard things are worth doing, that sometimes, opposition is not a sign to stop or to wait, but rather an indication that you must push onward, you must persevere. Yet it is also true that some things can’t be forced, that there are times when we must have patience, that taking a step back can help us find our focus. Sometimes, we aren’t as ready as we think we are. Sometimes, we think something is vital and important and worth doing, but we are only deceiving ourselves.
I’m not sure which is the case in this instance, but the words aren’t coming, so perhaps I will take my cue from that and write about other things. I don’t know when that particular post will be written – perhaps tomorrow, perhaps next month, perhaps never – but it isn’t going to be today, and that’s ok.