Jonathan, Katie and me in the fall of 2014

Welcome to my little corner of the web! I’m Jenn, and I’m honored you’re here. If this were my real living room and not just a bit of cyberspace, I would offer you a glass of water or a cup of tea, ask to hear who you are, get to know you as much as you’d allow. Those things aren’t so easily done in the virtual realm; still, know your words are welcome here. I share mine in this space because I truly believe there is power when we are honest and open with one another, that the telling of our stories makes us human and gives us much-needed points of connection in what can be a very lonely world.

While I’ve long loved words and have been blogging since 2006, the tale of Choosing This Moment begins in the spring of 2013, when my husband, Jonathan, and I brought a tiny baby girl home from the hospital in the hopes that we might adopt her. We loved her from the moment we knew she might be ours and were as excited and as terrified as any new parents during those first weeks. Our joy was soon overshadowed by fear when we learned her birth father was contesting the adoption. The story of that summer is too long to tell here; suffice it to say we lost in court, and we said goodbye to our daughter five months after bringing her home. One month after that, on the day after I returned to work, we learned I was pregnant.

I began this blog in the aftermath of that summer, as I wrestled with pain and doubt and anger, as my faith felt like it was crumbling beneath my feet, as I tried to balance sorrow and joy and fear and hope. I started it as a place for me to work through those emotions, as a safe haven where I might begin to heal. In all honesty, I started it for myself – to remind myself that each moment, I have the power to choose – but along the way, I’ve realized that so many others need this reminder, too.

So, I say to myself and to you: each moment, we have the power to choose. We have the power to choose who we will be, to choose whom or what we will serve. At the same time, we have the power to choose to be present in the here and now, even (or especially) if it is a time of sorrow or grief or pain. Choosing this moment, then, has a double meaning – it is choosing, this moment, how we will live our lives, and it is also choosing THIS moment, not some cherished time from the past or some imagined future day.

This space is where I write about learning to choose this moment, whatever it may be, where I record the small victories and defeats in my day-to-day. Though the grief and confusion and anger have subsided since those early days, I still have much to process from our failed adoption, and so I still write about it from time to time. After our daughter Katie was born in the spring of 2014, she has been found more and more often on the blog as I reflect on everything from housekeeping to the brokenness of this world. My faith weaves itself through my writing; I write about loving others well and being present and intentional. And there are days where I focus on the small, everyday things, the true “choosing this moment” parts of my life, like picking blackberries or taking the time to appreciate daisies.

(In addition to the links in the preceding paragraph, some of my favorite posts include this one about finding gratitude in the midst of suffering and this one about showing myself grace. I am also grateful to have been published at Brain, Child Magazine’s blog, Brain, Mother, and have shared some of my best work there.)

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I’d love to hear from you! Write to me here, send me an email at jenn [at] choosingthismoment.com, or connect with me on Facebook.

Thank you for joining me in choosing this moment. May we be mutually encouraging to each other as we pursue this thing called life.

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