Katie-Speak, Vol. 2

Today, this little girl is three-and-a-half, so it seems a fitting time to present another round of sayings and doings. Welcome to Katie-Speak, Vol. 2.

First, a few (mis)pronunciations and such:

gruna=granola
wack-yume=vacuum
da=an all-purpose response any time you don’t actually want to have a conversation
Mama’s funny thing=stroller strides (a group fitness class for moms with young kids)
body=groin area/private parts
sucker-gum=cough drop

We’ve had a few fire situations this summer, one of which caused her Aunt Fats and Uncle Michael to evacuate. The flight path for the air attack on that fire was right over our house, so, while Jonathan went to help pack valuables into vehicles, the girls and I sat on the lawn and watched the planes. Katie observed: “One by one, one by one, each by one, a-planes go help Fats and Michael. To help fire. And a-planes be there and firemen be there and they have good time fix the fire.” At one point, she noticed a spotter plane circling above us, and she yelled indignantly, “Hey! You guys not helping! You just flying in circles!” and then told me, quietly, “I yell reeeeally loud Mama, so they hear me in the a-plane.”


On make-believe:

In the car:
“Where you want drive, Mama?”
“We’re going to the grocery store.”
“Ok. I drive us to grocery store.”
“Oh, are you driving? Thank you! I’m glad I have you to help.”
“No, Mama, it just ‘tend. I not have steering wheel. I can’t drive.”

One day, she was chattering away to one of her imaginary friends. I asked her if she was talking to a real friend or a pretend friend, and she responded, “Real. Mama, ‘mos all my friends and ‘lations real.”


Photo credit: Julie Swanson

[Note: The toilet and its use tends to be a good topic of conversation when you’re three. In fact, Katie is fascinated when Abby has poopy diapers, and insists on coming to watch when they are changed. If that kind of thing doesn’t interest you, go ahead and skip this section.]

When explaining a meltdown after I asked if she needed help after using the restroom:
[Very sadly] “Hey, Mama, I a kind girl. I precious. And I kind and I loving and I wipe my bawbum well.”

When she was on the toilet and heard me coming down the hall:
“No, Mama!  You not come in here! If you come in here, I will close the door and lock it!”
“Katie, please use polite words with Mama. You can say, ‘Mama, please don’t come in here right now.'”
[With no pause whatsoever] “Mama, you may please come wipe me?”

As I was scrubbing the toilet:
“It good you clean the potty ‘fore our friends come over Mama, cuz sometimes when I sliding off I go ‘drip, drip, drip’!”

In the middle of the night after wetting the bed:
“Do you want a hug?”
[Very sadly] “No, I jus’ want you wake me up when I feel like I have go potty!”


Katie is quite concerned about her sister. Often, her care is helpful and sweet. Other times, not so much.

One morning when Abby was fighting her nap, “I give her a toy play with to help her fall sleep and that toy not help her fall sleep.” [Huh. That didn’t work? Weird.]

“Abby, no! Mama, Abby putting hand near plug and I not want my baby hurt by tri-see!”

Pouring a cup of water into the sink: “I dump all the germs out cuz Abby drinking out this cup.”

And, of course, there’s the “Abby, we don’t hit!” followed by a resounding smack, or shove, or kick. Which may or may not happen on a somewhat regular basis.


Logic and persuasion:

As I was fixing dinner:
“Mama, you may please put this shirt on BaaBaa?” [This was one of half a dozen similar requests in the space of a minute]
“Good job asking, sweetheart, but what am I working on right now?”
“Umm … You working on put this shirt on BaaBaa.”

As we were trying to get her to eat without help:
“I need help.”
“Can you tell me where you’re running into trouble so I know how to help you?”
“I running into trouble cuz no one helping me.”

“Maybe if Abby lost her cup and I lost my cup and you lost your cup and Daddy lost his cup and we lost allll the other cups … then we not have any cups!”


Keeping her Mama humble:

“I love you lots, kiddo”
“I don’t.”
“You don’t?”
“No. I only love Dad. Dad and Aunt Fats. I only love them lots and lots.”
Later that same day: “Mama, you my very fave-it mama … my fave-it mama that still alive.” [???]

“When I grow up, I want have big eyebrows like you, Mama!”

“Daddy get baff ready for you, Mama … you fit in baff?”

“We can clean my room if you want, Mama, but we jus’ gon’ make a mess again.” [Yes, child. Story of my life.]


On the way home from BSF:
“My teacher count how many kids there, Mama.”
“Oh, yeah? How many?”
“Five!”
“Wow. Five?”
“Yeah. I fink five hundid or maybe four hundid or … I don’t know how many, Mama.”

“I still hungee.”
“Ok, you can come finish your lunch.”
“No, it too much!”

“You’re having a hard time being respectful, kiddo. What’s going on?”
“I still a kid.”

“Mama, I need new clothes. I not like any outfits in my room.”

After she had explained an elaborate plan:
“That ok, or it ruin your life?”


“I not kid anymore. I big grown-up like you.”
“Oh yeah? What can you do now that you’re a grown-up?”
“Drive, and read books, and play music … and make food. That about it.”

“Eukid and Abby like play with other people, but I just shy all the time.”

As I was hunting hornworms one morning:
“Hey, Mama, why you smash those snakes?”
“I don’t want them to eat my tomatoes.”
“No, Mama. I think you not kill those snakes. They eat tatos, and the plants grow MORE tatos. We share with them.”


On theology:

A conversation between Jonathan and Katie in the car:
“What do you think, Katie? Do you want ears like an elephant?”
“No, Daddy. I pretty jus’ the way God make me.”
[Chalk this one up to the success of lessons taught in the “Buffin the Puffin” stories, which Jonathan makes up on the fly before bed.]

One night as Jonathan was praying with her before bed:
“Thank you, God, for loving us even when we do bad things.”
[Indignantly]”Hey, Daddy, I not do any bad things today.”

A few months ago, somebody very dear to us – Grandma Nettie (no blood relation; she was Grandma to everyone who knew her) – passed away. In the days preceding her death, Jonathan talked with Katie about it, which prompted all sorts of questions (which he handled quite well) –  how would Jesus take her to heaven, would she get there in a car, would she still be old, where would she sleep, etc. The next day, she and I had the following conversation:
“Grandma Nettie get sick and old, Mama, and maybe it time for her go see Jesus. Where she sleep when she see Jesus, Mama?”
“Where do you think she’ll sleep?”
“Maybe in Jesus’ arms. A Jesus hug is a good hug, Mama!”

Yes it is, sweetheart. Yes it is.

Photo credit: Julie Swanson

Family and Parenting

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One Response to Katie-Speak, Vol. 2

  1. Jamie says:

    These are great! I’m laughing so hard in particular at “I running into trouble cuz no one helping me.” and “That ok, or it ruin your life?” I’m pretty sure I would be saying that last one to my husband whenever I had a new plan, lol. So darling.