What the heck?

I’ve had some “What the heck, God?” moments in the last little while, where I literally blurt this question out into the air. I know this isn’t really the most reverent way to approach the Creator of the universe, the ruler of the cosmos, but sometimes life just seems to throw a curve ball, an aha, gotcha! kind of thing, and it’s my first, automatic response.

After the initial shock wears off, I follow it up with more church-type language, with the “I don’t understand this but help me to trust You” and the “Show me You’re present in this situation” type prayers. But the prayer of incredulity, of bewilderment, of near-accusation comes first.

I’m not sure what to make of this, what it says about me and my faith. That my unthinking, immediate response is to turn to God, whatever my attitude, seems like a good thing, but I can’t help wondering whether better, more spiritual disciples don’t have a holier disposition, don’t have less sass when faced with something they don’t understand. Surely God can handle me as I am and would prefer the honest cries of my heart over some highfalutin religious mumbo-jumbo, some made up verbiage that I think He wants to hear. I tell myself this, even as I pray that He transform me, make me more like Him. I tell myself it is a good thing to talk to God, that He can use this, that even my weak, faltering, pathetic attempts at prayer are precious to Him.

Still, “What the heck, God?” seems a very far cry from “I am the handmaiden of the  Lord; let it be to me according to your word”.

Loving God

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